Chatter, Wine and Dating Advice

Today I received an adhoc invitation from one of my BFF’s for a last minute lunch date. Now we are pretty good and try and catch up at least once a month, but of late, each time we schedule something, one of us needs to cancel due to work commitments.  That, unfortunately, is just life.

So when I saw her email pop up saying the words; you around? Let’s do lunch. I was naturally quite excited.  Nothing gets me going more on a rainy Friday afternoon than a gossip with a bestie and vino.  Seriously! What more could a girl ask for? More vino? An afternoon of vino? Totally agree!


Anyhoo, we arrive at our usual hang out and do the order thing and then get right down to it…the nitty gritty of each other’s lives. In other words, The Gossip!

It was during said gossip session that I happened to ask her how her love life was going. Now it’s no secret to her family, friends, work colleagues and anyone else who knows her, that she is a single mum, she has a great job, she is passionate and has interests of her own and is looking for love.  Now this should, in my opinion, look pretty good on paper to a prospective suitor, right?  Wrong!

She proceeds to tell me stories about how men never respond, never strike up a conversation, never ask for anything more than a quickie or a nude selfie. It provokes me to think; What is the world coming to?  

Sadly, I can empathise with her over this topic. It was just over a year and a bit ago that I was in the exact same position. Trolling the net for love and wading through the dozens and dozens of emails requesting one night stands, breakfast in bed or even, can you give me a massage luv.  WT?  I think the best one I recall was; hey gorgeous, what you doing for the next 15 minutes.  Wow!  Really?

Mustering all the hope and enthusiasm I could, I told her not to give up, even though I knew exactly where she was at. I also mentioned that perhaps she could review the apps she is using for this journey. I believe that some are better than others, more genuine and have a less sleazy stigma.

As the conversation progresses, she brings out her phone and shoves it in my face stating: look, look what is out there.  After removing the device from my nose and wiping away the makeup imprint, I review the selection.  At first, I was a bit taken aback, seriously, there was a plethora of suitable candidates in her age group (38 – 40) that I believe are worth making contact with.

I asked her, why not make contact with that one? He was clean cut, dressed appropriately and looked like he had some personality. The response: he’s not sexy! Seriously?

It was at this point I almost reached across the table and smacked her around. I couldn’t help but tell her in the only way I know how, my subtle as a brick tone: It’s no wonder you are having a hard time, you’re not even open to the possibility of getting to know someone and then perhaps allowing for a friendship to develop and perhaps for love to grow.

She is looking for chemistry and love from the get go. In my opinion, this is lust.

Lust, whilst intoxicating, in my opinion, rarely yields anything more than a bit of fun. I mentioned to her that perhaps she should be looking for someone who was compatible and then in time, love may grow.

She rolled her eyes and ordered another drink! But hey, what would I know right?


I’d love to hear from my readers on what your thoughts are around lust and compatibility. Are you open to finding someone that you are mildly attracted to and then give it a go, or are you looking for hot and steamy from the get go?


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